Ask The Mediator Today

Came across this wonderful article from a New Jersey Divorce Mediator:

In today’s Wall Street Journal, there was an article about the fight over revealing divorce details and the potential damage it could do to the individuals involved and their children.  The author’s point was that it was difficult to tell where the first amendment and the public’s “right to know” ended and the seemingly insatiable interest in gossip we have now-a-days begins.  Just walk by a newsstand or search the Internet for a celebrity’s name and an endless stream of information will appear before your eyes on everything from what they had for dinner last night to the latest rumor about their sexuality.  But if you think it’s just limited to celebrities, think again. It seems these days that there is no such thing as private information given how much data is publicly available on us.  Just do a search on your name in Google and be prepared for what you find.  Do you really want this information out there when it comes to your divorce?

As you may already know, divorce proceedings are open to the public and anyone including your co-workers, neighbors and relatives can sit in the gallery and listen to every sordid detail.  All of this is happening while you pay your attorneys tens of thousands of dollars to come to a settlement you and your ex could have pretty much put together yourself with the help of a New Jersey divorce mediator so what it really comes down to is personal choice.  Do you go the adversarial route and fight this out in public or do you go the mediation route and resolve your differences in private?

There are many benefits of mediation and if you’re like me, privacy is a big one because what happened during my marriage is my business and should remain only my business.   When you use a mediation service, there is no such breech as everything we do is behind closed doors and stays in the confines of our mediation sessions, keeping the details of your settlement completely private as opposed to the alternative which (well read this article and see what I mean) isn’t exactly ideal.  And if you think grandstanding in open court is going to get you a more favorable settlement, think again.  I can’t imagine when you and your soon to be ex are screaming at each other in front of dozens of total strangers, you are going to end up with a good result.  As much as we’d like to think we’re adults, divorce can make us do crazy things and cooler heads don’t always prevail.  But with the help of a divorce mediator in New Jersey you and your spouse will be surprised at just how much progress you can make towards peacefully ending your marriage.  It doesn’t have to be as hard as the movies and television would like you to believe and by making the decision to keep your divorce details to yourself, I promise you, both you and your children will be better off in the long run.

####

For more information, please visit A Fair Way Mediation at:  http://www.afairway.com.  There is a free online evaluation form to see if mediation is right for you.  Or please feel free to call us at:  619-702-9174

www.afairway.com

By Christine Romans
CNN’s “Your $$$$$” Host

NEW YORK (CNN) — Breaking up is hard to do — perhaps even more so during a recession.

Just ask Sallie Frederick of Darien, Connecticut. She and her husband of 15 years are divorcing, but they both live in the house they can’t sell because of the sour state of the economy.

“My husband lives in the guest room, and he comes home on Wednesday nights early to have dinner with the kids, and the other nights he comes home late to give me my space, so it’s, it’s not perfect,” she told CNN’s “Your $$$$$” program. “It’s been difficult.”

The stress of the country’s economic meltdown is taking its toll on marriages.

And while there is no definitive evidence that says people seek divorce more or less frequently during an economic slump, what is clear is that couples in marital turmoil are feeling extra stress because of the economy.

Some, like the Fredericks, can’t leave their current situation because the financial costs are too great and because it’s too difficult to sell their house.

Others may jump into divorce because of the economic strain or because divorce during hard times could be weirdly profitable.

The Cordell and Cordell law firm, which bills itself as one of the largest divorce firms in the country, has been running radio ads suggesting people whose assets have tanked may want to consider divorce because they’ll lose less money to their partner, said Joseph Cordell, the firm’s principal partner.

Cordell said the advice is meant only for couples who are certain they want to divorce.

“For guys that know they’re going to end up getting divorced, they really need to realize that, oddly enough, it’s when they can least afford it that it can make the most sense,” he said.

Gary Becker, an economics professor at the University of Chicago, said past recessions have led to more couples splitting up “mainly because of the uncertainty and unemployment of both spouses.”

But those separations may not result in legal divorce because of the costs, he said.

Sallie Frederick, whose husband declined to comment for this story, says she began divorce proceedings in October and expects the divorce to be final in about a month.

But their house isn’t likely to sell in this slow market. That means truly splitting up may be months off.

“Right now there are 20 houses in town on the market that are in our price range, and there are no buyers,” she said. “So my broker has pretty much prepared me that the house is going to sit for quite a while.”

Divorce attorney Raoul Felder says couples such as the Fredericks are making the smart financial choice by living together through separation.

“People have to decide how much they hate each other, because if they can still live with each other, and the house or the apartment is big enough, they ought to stay together and wait for a rising market,” Felder says.

Divorce financial planner Gabrielle Clemens says many couples don’t have the $3,000 to $5,000 to hire an attorney for the process.

“If you can’t even retain a lawyer and you have nothing to divide up except for debt, then I think you’re better off to wait,” she said. “I think that’s what a lot of people are doing.”

Cordell said a contested divorce involving child custody could cost up to $30,000.

Divorce attorney Felder says deciding to divorce right now is a “guessing game” about the economy.

On average, he said a divorce takes eight months. Couples have to decide if they think the economy will be any better by the time the divorce is done.

“You have got to do a very careful arithmetic,” Felder says. “The best advice you can give people, if they can stand it: You are swimming against the tide at this point. Tread water a little bit. Wait for the economy to rebound.”

Staying together — even for a few more months — could save thousands of dollars.

“A little misery is worth a lot of money,” says Felder. “So try to stay married if you possibly can.”

That leaves couples who are divorcing and want to live apart, like Sallie Frederick and her husband, in limbo.

Sallie Frederick, who has a business as a life coach, says the difficulty of what a lot of men and women are going through is the uncertainty.

“What is going to happen in a month? What is that picture going to look like? I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know where am I going to be living. It’s the unknown that I think is frightening.”

A Fair Way Mediation may be contacted directly at www.afairway.com or by calling 619-702-9174.  The offices are located in downtown San Diego, One America Plaza, 600 W. Broadway, San Diego, CA 92101.