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We all make blunders occasionally we make these blunders in our significant life partner selection. To deal with such blundered choices to freedom and getting freedom from the tensions of them at the earliest stage is an urgent job that uou must attend to by adopting necessary process. Separation or divorce is one such unpleasant blunder correction process where future needs of children your own financial and mental disasters are major influencing factors of this separation process. Divorce mediation is one safe and less taxing way to handle such tense though delicate situations

Uses of Divorce Mediation

Divorce could prove a very agonizing suffering for you if not handled with cool thought, patience and concern to other human beings getting affected with divorce process. The process could have happened at your starting even then the actions going to follow now are surly emotionally harsh to ride out through. The Divorce mediation managed and supervised by professional divorce mediator service provider will definitely impress upon both the stake holders of divorce procedure to reach a respectable arrangement, without much acrimony that is part and partial of this sordid saga.

Yu must keep in mind that Divorce mediation is not going to protect of salvage your strained marriage. Divorce mediation will make no effort to bring you two persons, who dislike each other now, return to your marriage vows again in togetherness. Divorce mediation limited in objectives conducted by an impartial unbiased third person to assist both of you to forget your acrimonious past and look towards arriving at just payment settlement. The divorce mediators will not adjudicate. Mediator will not decide on your behalf this not his job this is your job. Mediator will catalyze the process and keep proceeding cool and saving them from going out of logical control

The divorce mediation will also be lesser costly than costly and time consuming court process. If you use a divorce lawyer in place of a going for divorce mediation you are going to pay heavy fees of court and attorney. Divorce mediation and trying to reach a settlement is always to your advantage.

In cases where you do not share and accept scenarios they will be modified, represented, and discussed again and again until an acceptable settlement is arrived at that is fitting to the expectations and limits of both persons.

The objective of divorce mediation is to facilitate couples to reach a reasonable settlement with regard to their financials and other assets, in free from acrimony and calm way, if they have children the making co-parenting arrangement for the children.
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For more information, please visit A Fair Way Mediation at:  http://www.afairway.com.  There is a free online evaluation form to see if mediation is right for you.  Or please feel free to call us at:  619-702-9174

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by Kara G. Morrison - Jun. 15, 2009 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic

When Michelle Campbell filed for divorce last year after 13 years of marriage, she underestimated its toll on her finances.

“I went from Nordstrom to Walmart in like 24 hours,” the Scottsdale Realtor said. “I have friends who are not getting divorced because they see what it’s done to me.”

The economy appears to be doing what marriage counselors struggle to do: keep couples together. Spouses are hesitating to divorce because of the high cost of breaking up.

Local divorce attorneys said they’re hearing of more people who feel they can’t afford to leave spouses and move on with their lives. That flies in the face of conventional wisdom, which holds that divorce rates rise with economic stress.

In Arizona, total granted divorces and annulments dropped by 530, or 2.2 percent, last year vs. 2007. In January and February of this year, there were 2,551 granted divorces and annulments in Maricopa County, down 1 percent over the same period in 2008.

However, the county’s latest numbers have just started to show a sharp rise, with granted divorces and annulments rising by 178 - 16.6 percent - in March over that month last year.

“It’s difficult (to divorce), because the housing market is so terrible right now,” Phoenix divorce attorney Daniel Siegel said. “For the average person, the house is their biggest asset. When that is worth significantly less, and in a lot of cases underwater, it makes it a lot harder to figure out what is going to happen with that asset. It certainly makes it more difficult to try to come up with solutions for people.”

Phoenix life coach Vickie Champion knows of at least one marriage saved by the downturn. She said a client “was dead set on leaving” her husband, but after realizing she couldn’t support herself in the current economy, she worked on the marriage.

“Most people who are married don’t communicate,” Champion said. “The easy way out before would be to leave them, but now the easy way out is not to leave them.”

Angela Hallier, a Phoenix family-law attorney, said divorce trends have shifted in the past year. She’s seeing more people who feel they can’t proceed for financial reasons. She also has had couples who live together through their divorce because they can’t sell their homes.

“There are many cases where we are coming up with rules of engagement for the household,” Hallier said. “It’s like roommate rules.”

In these cases, she said, soon-to-be ex-spouses are dividing up square footage, along with belongings and household duties.

“We’ve gone as far as to say who gets what mattress,” Hallier said.

Nationally and locally, divorce rates have been heading downward since the 1980s. Statistics don’t adhere to conventional wisdom about recessions triggering divorces, either. Although national divorce rates (the number of divorces per 1,000 population) climbed during the 1970s recessions, they fell during downturns in the 1980s. Still, Siegel believes in normal economic dips, money problems place a huge stress on marriages.

“I think financial stress is something that, for some reason, is much, much more difficult to get through and to deal with,” he said, adding that this downturn doesn’t seem to follow the typical rules. “During the recession in 2000-2001, we didn’t see this type of impact on the real-estate market. This is certainly a lot different than a normal recession.”

Phoenix family-law attorney William Bishop also expected to see the divorce rate rise slightly when the economy started to contract last year.

Many of his divorce cases are more complex because of couples’ financial circumstances. Bishop said he has had to refer more clients to financial planners, and some have had to go through separate bankruptcy proceedings.

“It’s a lot easier to divide an asset than a debt,” Bishop said. “It really does take more creative thinking to get people separated when you have debt.”

On the flip side, one demographic may not be so hesitant to part ways. Affluent couples are finding it easier to split right now than middle- and lower-income couples.

“If you have a lot of cash on hand, the assets you’re dividing now are (worth) a lot less,” Siegel said. “I don’t want to say it’s a bargain situation, but you can buy the assets for a lot less.”

Hallier also said she has seen an increase in divorce cases among affluent couples where the sole working spouse recently lost significant income.

“It brings to the forefront the dysfunction of the marriage,” Hallier said. “While they had a high and substantial income, it was easier to live with (problems).”

Among her divorcing clients, Hallier said it’s staggering how many have a direct connection to the state’s hardest-hit industry.

“The percent of divorces where one spouse is involved in real estate is huge,” she said.

If there’s any silver lining in current trends, it’s that some couples are getting more creative and exploring more-amicable settlements. Mediation - a process in which spouses agree to work with a mediator and settle out of court - has been on the rise for the past three to five years, said Rich Gordon, principal mediator at A Fair Way Mediation Center in San Diego.

Hallier also said more divorcing couples also are undertaking a “collaborative divorce” where each spouse hires his or her own attorney and agrees to settle out of court. The collaboration helps couples - especially those with children - work through lingering issues, sometimes with help from a therapist, child psychologist or even a CPA when complex finances are difficult to separate.

“It’s sometimes less expensive, and almost always a better emotional process,” Hallier said.

Still, Gordon said, mediation also is slow right now as couples navigate financial woes. Although he has gotten more calls recently, he expects divorces to stall for at least the next year, until the housing market and unemployment rates stabilize.

“Mediation is a lot less economically painful than adversarial lawyering, but it almost doesn’t matter,” Gordon said. “What I am finding is, unlike other slow periods over the course of my career, this one really has people scared, because they’re looking over their shoulder about their jobs and they don’t have a large reservoir of money.”

Campbell, meanwhile, hasn’t regretted her decision to divorce. She would like to be a consultant to other women in her position (she was a stay-at-home mom when she filed for divorce) to let them know they can get through it - as long as they research all the household finances.

“At some point, you have to say, ‘I’m intelligent and I can make more money, but I can’t live in misery,’ ” Campbell said.

It’s still unclear what effect, if any, the recession ultimately will have on the divorce rate. But Phoenix attorney Bishop said one thing is certain.

“Most people, if they want a divorce, they’re going to find a way to get a divorce,” he said.

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For more information, please visit A Fair Way Mediation at:  http://www.afairway.com.  There is a free online evaluation form to see if mediation is right for you.  Or please feel free to call us at:  619-702-9174

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Divorce Mediator Cautions against “Do-it-Yourself Divorce”

Saving Money May Cost You More Later Says A Fair Way Mediation Center’s Rich Gordon

SAN DIEGO (May 6, 2009) – A Fair Way Mediation Center, a San Diego mediation center specializing in offering divorcing couples a way to save money by staying out of court, has cautioned against DIY divorces.   “’Do-it-yourself’ divorces may seem like a good idea at first,” says Rich Gordon, M.A., J.D., principal at A Fair Way Mediation Center . “But in the long run, couples may not get their fare share and run into legal issues that will make their divorce more costly in the end.”

“As of late we’ve seen a growing number of inquiries from people who want to embark in this process on their own,” he says. “One wife practically gave away her family inheritance because she thought her spouse was entitled to half of everything.  Another father created a situation where the wife thought her only solution was to “kidnap” her child.  With complicated issues in uncertain economic times, people frequently don’t understand how the law can protect both parties now and in the future should their fiscal picture change.”

Gordon says even with both members of the couple willing to participate in the divorce process, there is a better chance of a successful outcome with a third party, neutral mediator as a guide. Couples can still avoid heavy legal fees normally involved with lawyers because costs are usually lower and clients can “pay as they go,” letting them proceed with the divorce at the same pace as finances allow.  With a professional in charge, divorcing couples can avoid the pitfalls of emotional decisions when it comes to resolving issues such as child custody, parental visitation, and division of property, retirement and health benefits.

A www.AFairWay.com couples beginning the process may explore their initial options in privacy.  “We know divorce poses difficult dilemmas and our web site begins to answer those sticky initial questions.  We encourage people to visit AFairWay.com on line and then call or email us.”

A Fair Way Mediation may be contacted directly at www.afairway.com or by calling 619-702-9174.  The offices are located in downtown San Diego , One America Plaza , 600 W. Broadway, San Diego , CA 92101 .

Divorce is never easy.  It has taken a long time for you to make the decision to split up.  And even if you and your spouse are still on “good terms”, you’ll still encounter problems when you attempt to work out the details of your separation. Rarely is there equal bargaining power in a marriage. Plus, it is very difficult to make rational decisions when emotions are running high.  Few situations are as emotionally charged as the end of a relationship.

Mediation is a voluntary settlement process which allows you to control your own destiny rather than leaving your fate up to a judge who knows nothing about your or your spouse.  You need never step foot into a courtroom as all discussions are held in the safety and comfort of the mediator’s office.  Because of this mediation is far less costly in both economic and emotional terms.  Couples can save up to 90% over a traditional courtroom battle by using the mediation process.

HOW IT WORKS:

Divorce Mediation is a step by step process through which separating couples arrive at a fair agreement which is acceptable to both parties.  It is conducted under the guidance of a trained professional who helps the couple to make their own important decisions concerning their changing and uncertain future.  The mediator need not be a lawyer.  A psychologist with some knowledge of divorce law can be
quite effective in dealing with a couple going through a breakup of their marriage.

The mediator helps you identify the points upon which you already agree and  works from there, with cooperative problem solving, to work on the issues which are not so easily disposed of.  Some examples of typical questions which come up during the process are:

Who will the children live with?
How much visitation will the non-residential parent enjoy?
How much support will be paid?
What does support cover?
Who gets to stay in the house?
How will I get my money from the property we own?
How will our investments be divided?
Do I have to share my retirement?
Who will pay the credit card debt?
What about health insurance?
Will the kids get to go to college?

A skilled and experienced mediator is able to create a safe and cooperative environment which encourages open and honest discussion.  The mediator’s role is an impartial one, identifying issues exploring underlying interests, suggesting options and balancing power.

The mediator is neutral, does not represent either party and does not make decisions.  They are trained to listen and help both parties stay focused on the task at hand.  There is no need to being “dirty laundry” into the room or the discussions. Mediators encourage the couple to search for a solution to their unique problems and support them once a decision is made.

The mediation process culminates (usually after an average of five sessions) in the preparation of a Marital Settlement Agreement which details the specifics of your mutually agreed upon decisions.  This agreement is the basis of the divorce decree.

A Final Note

It is important to understand that mediation is not the arena for deciding whether or not to separate or divorce.  That should be done in the office of a mental health professional.  However, once the decision is reached, mediation can help the separating couple and their children avoid unnecessary scars and return much sooner to the business of living.

A Fair Way Mediation Center

The principal mediator at A Fair Way Mediation Center is Richard M. Gordon, B.A., M.A. and J.D.  Mr. Gordon is a highly trained mediator. In addition to mediating divorces he has served as a mediator, arbitrator, consensus builder, trainer and consultant to individuals, corporations, foundations and public organizations.

Mr. Gordon is a member of the Academy of Family Mediators, the Society of Professionals in Dispute Resolution and C.A.L.M.  He is also on the panels of several associations including NASDAQ and the San Diego Superior Court.

Mr. Gordon’s clients welcome his ability to establish an atmosphere of trust and cooperation.  He encourages creative problem solving, assists in making issues clear and intervenes when emotions hinder the mediation process.

For more information about A FAIR WAY MEDIATION CENTER, look at the web site at www.afairway.com.

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Child Radio Personality Comes Full Circle
Former Star on “Ask the Kids” is Now Divorce Expert on “Ask The Expert”

SAN DIEGO (January 13, 2008) – Nearly a half century ago, little “Richie” Gordon was a favorite on Rochester, NY’s TV show “Ask the Kids.”  Week after week his advice on juvenile behavioral problems was “lock ‘em in the closet.”  Today, as a successful mediator he has returned to his true calling with a role on “Ask The Expert.”

His firm, A Fair Way Mediation Center, a mediation center specializing in offering divorcing couples a way to save money by staying out of court, has been selected by Clear Channel Broadcasting as one of its initial members of its new on-line service “Ask the Expert.”

A Fair Way’s primary mediator is Rich Gordon, M.A., J.D., who left a successful law practice “back east” to focus on mediation.   As one of the first Mediation Centers in San Diego, the organization has had major impact on the growth of mediation as an alternative to judicial interventions.

“At A Fair Way we help couples resolve the ending of their relationships without having Winners or Losers but rather reaching a compromise that satisfies both parties,” says Gordon.  “On ‘Ask the Expert’ couples thinking about going through the divorce process, or those who are interested in pre-nuptial or legal separation agreements, may ask pertinent personal questions which we will be happy to address on line.  Today we fully understand that locking yourself in a closet doesn’t really make matters go away.”

According to Gordon, with both members of the couple willing to participate in the mediation process, there is more chance of a successful outcome. Heavy legal fees normally involved with lawyers and protracted litigation are prevented in mediation because costs are usually lower and clients can “pay as they go,” letting you proceed with the divorce at the same pace as finances allow.
“It is not surprising that many couples are now choosing divorce mediation to negotiate their own separation agreements,” says Gordon.  “This applies to both same-sex relationships as well as traditional marriage.  Couples dealing with Property Division, Retirement Distribution, Debt Repayment, Spousal and Child Support and Children Visitation and Custody can all benefit from breaking up nicely.”
The “Ask the Expert” link is available on all the Clear Channel radio station web sites, (http://tinyurl.com/afairway) or A Fair Way Mediation may be contacted directly at www.afairway.com or by calling 619-702-9174.  The offices are located in downtown San Diego, One America Plaza, 600 W. Broadway, San Diego, CA 92101.

Even when you have known for years that divorce is inevitable, it is still difficult. When two people reach a point where they can no longer live together, divorce may be the only thing that can put an end to an uncomfortable situation. After you decide a divorce is the only solution, it is best to dissolve the marriage quickly and smoothly.

Everyone has heard at least one divorce horror story. After 40 years of marriage, when their oldest child finished college, a friend of mine and his spouse divorced. They sat down and discussed the situation and decided to split everything down the middle so that the divorce could be as friendly as possible and avoid causing anyone grief. The husband realized that they had built up a large amount of assets, got greedy, and decided he wanted more than half.

He felt he was entitled to retain the bulk of the money because, as a doctor, he had earned a substantial income. His wife used to work in the medical office, then got a real estate license and ran the apartments they had purchased as an investment. She later gave birth to their two children and took care of their enormous house and the family. She believed that she was entitled to half of all of their assets.

They had planned to start divorce proceedings in September, when the youngest went back to college, so that things would be normal during the summer and they would all still be together. In July, the husband hired a lawyer that you could liken to a pit bull. What ensued was a calamity. A seemingly simple divorce became a bitter battle. All of the family members suffered from the emotional strain. The children were in their twenties, but they were still devastated by the divorce.

The husband’s lawyer fought over every little thing and extended the divorce, which made everyone’s pain worse, and in the end everything was split right down the middle anyway. In California all couples split their assets evenly.

A divorce does not have to be nasty or miserable for the entire family. Mediation allows for a neutral third party to help with the settlement arrangements when a couple divorces. The legal system allows for mediation to assist in negotiating an equitable settlement, to settle the details of visitation and child support, and to help make other important decisions needed during a divorce. Research shows that couples who use mediation during their divorces are happier with the end results. Reduced time in court and lower attorney fees are some of the benefits of divorce mediation.

When couples realize that divorce is inevitable, they should both look for sound legal advice. They should try to find lawyers that will work with them and take their needs into consideration. They should also look into mediation to see if it will meet their needs so that they can save time, money, and emotional strain.

By:  Andrew Tenco, posted in CyberLaw

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Unhappy couples staying together as economy makes divorcing too costly.

The economic crisis may be doing what pastors, family therapists and matrimonial counselors have long struggled to accomplish: keeping troubled marriages together.

Marriage counselors and divorce lawyers nationwide say more distressed couples are putting off divorce because the cost of splitting up is prohibitive in a time of stagnant salaries, plummeting home values and rising unemployment.

While the stress of economic uncertainty often worsens already shaky unions, it also can make couples more financially dependent on each other, said Pamela Smock, a researcher at the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.

“Anything of this magnitude that’s going to affect millions of people does not bode well for all sorts of families,” she said. “It could keep unhappy couples together.”

That’s what happened to a client of Robi S. Ludwig, a psychotherapist in New York.

“I had a woman say to me: ‘My God, I can’t stand my husband. Every day I just want to leave him, but I can’t afford it,’” said Ludwig, co-author of “Till Death Do Us Part,” an examination of severely dysfunctional marriages. “So they are deciding to stay together.”

eff Grumley, a marriage counselor in Loves Park, Ill., north of Rockford, said he had seen a 25 percent jump in business in recent months as couples tried to save their marriages, and their money. Ten sessions cost about $1,000, Grumley said — not exactly pocket change, but far better than the tens of thousands of dollars a divorce costs.

“I think people feel desperate,” Grumley said.

2 households? ‘They can barely pay for one’
Divorces have always been expensive. For a contested proceeding that goes to court, a couple with at least one child can expect a divorce to cost anywhere from $53,000 to $188,000, according to calculations based on census data by the Web site Divorce360, which factored in attorneys’ fees, financial advice, counseling and real-estate costs for buying or renting separate homes.

Often many of those expenses are recovered when a couple sells their home and divides the proceeds. But the disastrous real-estate market is leaving many homeowners owing more on their mortgages than their properties are worth — turning what would normally be their biggest marital asset into a liability.

“They also can’t go out and get a credit card or personal loan to pay attorney fees or to even try and find a piece of real estate because the lending market is tightening down on them,” said Kevin Hughes, a criminal and family lawyer in Cincinnati.

The evidence for a decline in divorces is primarily anecdotal, because national marriage and divorce statistics for 2008 aren’t available. But in some jurisdictions that report semi-annual figures, the trend is being borne out.

In Chicago, the Cook County Circuit Court system reported that divorce and separation filings fell by 600 — or roughly 5 percent — during the first nine months of the year, compared to the same period last year. Comparable drops have been reported in Fresno County, Calif., and Comanche County, Okla.

In South Florida, where the condominium-heavy Miami area has been described as ground zero of the mortgage crisis, Miami-Dade County reported an 18 percent drop in divorce filings from January to May, compared to the same period last year. Perhaps not coincidentally, average real-estate prices in the area fell about 20 percent over the same period.

“What the judicial officers are telling us is that people who do come in are saying they can’t afford the cost of splitting up and going into two households — they can barely pay for the one,” said Scott L. Rubin, a marital and family lawyer in Miami who is chairman of the Family Law Section of the Florida Bar.

“The housing market is down, it’s hard to sell, and when you can sell, you’re selling it at a depressed price, so a lot of people are deciding … ‘It’s not worth it to do it (at) this time. Let’s stay together. Let’s try to work through our problems and hope that the economy will spring back,’” Rubin said.

2008 downturn a reversal of history
Historically, divorce rates tend to rise during tough economic times, counselors and lawyers said, citing a 17 percent spike in divorces during the 1997 recession. But what makes this downturn different is its severity, they speculate.

That view draws support from the fact that a decline in divorces also was observed from 1930 to 1935, during the depths of the Great Depression, according to Census figures.

Divorce rates “weren’t high, but they went down,” said Jay D. Teachman, a professor of sociology at Western Washington University in Bellingham, Wash., who has studied the period. “People couldn’t afford to divorce.”

Today, with housing prices so low, it’s again cheaper for couples to “work out your differences now,” said Clinton J. David, a lawyer specializing in complex business transactions in Dallas.

“Instead of you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse fighting over how to divide up the profits from the sale (of a home), you could actually, unfortunately, end up fighting over who’s going to pay off the lender because the loan on the home is actually more than the value,” he said.

For divorce lawyers, the economic slump is beginning to have a real impact. In a nationwide survey of divorce lawyers by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 37 percent reported a drop in divorce cases during the recent tough economic times, nearly twice the 19 percent who said their business had grown. The rest cited little or no change.

“These folks are just scared, and they can’t go through with the divorce process, so yeah, they’re staying together,” said Hughes, the family lawyer in Cincinnati. “They’re staying together to try and make it work, but unfortunately living as an unhappy married couple.”

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