Friendly divorce is possible through mediation
I came across this article and found it very interesting:
Christi McMurdie
Attorney and Mediator
Tempe, AZ
It was very early in my legal career as a family lawyer that I concluded there had to be a better way to help people resolve the conflicts that arose with their unique divorces.
These problems usually, but not always surrounded parenting time or the division of assets and debts.
What we, as divorce lawyers, were doing was very expensive, draining and most of the time left the clients with no ongoing remedy in dealing with each other after we, the lawyers left the scene.
Right after I made this discouraging conclusion, a good friend of mine was heavily involved in a new program at the courts, an ADR (alternative dispute resolution) program that provided training.
I signed up and then took my first foundation training in Mediation. That was 13 years ago.
Here we are in 2009 and many divorcing people still don’t know about mediation as an alternative to divorce litigation.
So I am happy to help people learn about their options. Sometimes this means people have to change their expectations and their perceptions about divorce.
In an issue of US News and World Report, I found that an article last year entitled “Best Careers for 2008” listed Mediation with a national annual median income of $66,800.
Mediation is a viable and growing field separate from litigation for lawyers and non lawyers alike and benefiting thousands of people to peacefully and powerfully resolve conflict.
Control—Mediation belongs to the parties. The disputing parties control the process, scheduling, costs, and outcome of the dispute. See the example described below.
Less Adversarial—The mediation process is informal. It is less confrontational than arbitration or litigation because each of them is encouraged to present their position and experience and emotional issues are allowed to be expressed in mediation.
This enables the parties to look for other remedies but what are traditionally prescribed in a court setting.
Preserves Options—Parties can enter into mediation without jeopardizing their option to arbitrate or litigate.
If the parties need to take a remaining issue or two to trial because they simply cannot resolve it, they have minimized the litigation and preparation time by reaching agreements on the other issues.
As an attorney-mediator, I often have to remind the parties that if they need a lawyer, I am disallowed because I have already acted as a mediator for BOTH parties and there would be a conflict of interest.
Swift Settlement— Mediation. Mediation can be designed to support the comfort levels of the clients.
Two hours per session is recommended for divorce mediation because emotions run high and this allows the parties to have time to consider issues and agreements between sessions.
After the initial petition is filed, the parties cannot file their final decree for two months so the sessions are usually conducted during this required period.
In business mediation, most disputes can be heard and resolved in one day.
Lower Cost —Mediation usually entails lower legal and preparatory costs, there is minimal interruption of business or personal life, lost productivity is kept to a minimum, the mediation sessions are tailored for the parties schedules and the fees and expenses of mediation are usually cumulatively lower than the cumulative cost of litigation.
Preservation of Business Relationships—By reaching an early resolution with minimal financial or other strain on either party, the chances for preserving family and/or business relationships are greatly enhanced.
Protects Privacy—Mediation is subject to confidentiality and in fact, a mediator cannot be called to testify in a later court proceeding due to laws that protect the confidentiality the parties and the mediator enter into at the beginning of the mediation process.
Creative Solutions—Mediators help the parties craft creative solutions that involve emotional remedies like an apology, assistance on one of the prior joint assets and creative parenting arrangements.
Low Risk—Settlement potential is high because the parties are in agreement in utilizing the mediation process. The case proceeds quickly.
The cost is modest and there are benefits even if a settlement is not reached.
Stay out of Court – By using the Consent Decree process for your final divorce document, you will not have to go to court at all.
One of the biggest fears divorcing folks immediately have is that their divorce will be “run away” by their lawyers due to discovery rules of disclosure and the due diligence required once the lawyer is retained.
The horror stories are legion. Mediation is designed so that control stays in the hands of the clients.
In the April, 2008 Chandler Times, local journalist Shana Hogan reviews of the pitfalls of reaching a prenuptial agreement demonstrates this point. Lona Smith and Zack Schiffman went rounds over their 55-page prenuptial agreement and spanned 737 days, two canceled wedding dates, and five fired attorneys.
“It wasn’t until they decided to stop going through their attorneys and sat down and decided on the terms together, that were able to draft a document they could both agree on.”
Finally, they went off alone without their lawyers and conducted their own mediation, regaining the control to make their own joint decisions and they resolved all of the conflicted issues in their prenuptial agreement.
Miraculously, they are married now and it was because they took back control.
After I received my initial mediation training, I volunteered in the justice courts for about two years.
This was great training; however, the raising awareness of the negotiations process while having been trained as a mediator amplified my skills.
Later, my skills escalated more when I completed professional coach training through the Adler School of Professional Coaching.
We can all continue to better our communication because we ALL have to communicate no matter your work or your family life.
Anyone who obtains training in the foundations of mediation will enhances all of their business and interpersonal communication and would assist the success of both.
Please visit www.afairway.com for more information.